A few spare minutes (would be nice!)

I don't do blogs half as regularly as I would like. I simply do not have the time. When I sit down I am either feeding the baby, eating a meal or checking my emails/facebook: they are about the only times I sit down these days. When I do think about doing a new post I always feel there should be something important to report but I have been thinking and maybe I will just do short posts as often as I can otherwise weeks pass without me updating.

So today Primrose has been for her first lot of jabs. That was four hours ago and she is still not asleep - grumbling and shaking her legs about in her bouncer chair while watching C-beebies! The boys have high temperatures and runny noses :( Jacob has gone down for a nap and Finn is just chilling out on the sofa, but keeps pestering me for a go on the the c-beebies website. I should feel less stressed today as they are not on their full-form full-of-beans hyper moods, yet I feel on edge as Primrose won't settle and just wants me to pick her up all the time. In the meantime I am trying to do a mountain of washing (Finn wet the bed - the double ('big bed' as he calls it) last night just after I had put clean sheets on as well :( He goes to bed in our room and then Dave transfers him to his bed when we go to bed); tidy the kitchen; tidy-up toys and vacuum and countless other little things like nappy-changing and meal preparation. Then in the evening I am knitting (got loads to do - sister-in-law is due in a few weeks and have some birthdays and Christmas coming up so I want to do some gifts for my nieces). Well, Primrose has worked up to a proper cry now so I will have to leave it there. I will post some pics soo of the boys birthday party that we had last weekend!

My home-educating quest...

I finally feel we are making some progress towards being a home-educating family! A few weeks ago I met up with a lovely lady and her five children (ranging from 9 to 18 months!) that live locally to us and have been home-educating for about four years. I immediatedly got on very well with her and really felt like we were on the same wave-length, and her children were so polite and friendly. It really instilled confidence in me that home educating is a totally do-able option for us. The day after this I met up with my usual mum friends and another mum who I didn't know quite so well. As all the children are due to start school next year the conversation inevitably turned to schools and said mum who I don't know quite so well asked me which school my eldest was going to. Until the day before my usual response to this was that I was considering home-education but still applying for the local school; but this time I said that I am planning to home-educate (full stop and no mention of applying to a school!). The said mum, who is lovely btw, said, "How lovely and what made you think of doing that?" and "Are you qualified to do that?". Her response on the subject was very postive despite not knowing anything about it (she thought it was lovely that I wanted to educate my children myself but she thought I'd have to be a qualified teacher!) and it made me realise that a lot of peoples' views on home-educating may come across as negative simply because they don't know anything about it. I've been worrying about how I will justify myself to people that ask why I home-educate, but really I think there is no need to feel defensive about it. Some people will not get it and not agree - that is their opinion, but I think there is also a lot of people out there that just simply do not know anything about home-education and so when they ask questions I should answer them in an objective and not defensive manner.

She is here at last!

Primrose Susan was born on 3rd July 11.58pm weighing 8lb 3oz and she is beautiful.

As usual my birth plan went out the window (don't really know why I bothered to write one up for the third time!). I went to hospital on my due date - 1st July - for a few checks and all was fine so they sent me home and asked me to return on the saturday. So 9am on saturday we were back at the hospital - had BP check and fetal heart monitor on and all was fine and the midwife was about to send me home...then they remembered they hadn't done a urine test...so they did this and found ++ of protein. My blood pressure wasn't too high but the swelling in my ankles had got really bad and so they decided I was "borderline pre-eclampsia". The doctor told the midwife to do a stretch and sweep and send me home until monday. Then ten minutes later the stretch and sweep turned into the proposal to break my waters and have me induced. I felt scared at the prospect of this - although I had been induced with my first and I was getting really frustrated and had said to hubby I didn't want to be sent home again with no baby, so although I was apprehensive about it I was quite pleased that something was finally happening. So at midday they broke my waters (worse experience than the first time - "tough as old boots" it was according to the midwife - nice!), then they gave me two hours to see if the contractions started naturally...they didn't, so the drip was set up...along with an antibiotic drip that I had to have every four hours during the labour due to a urine infection that I didn't realise I had until I got to the hospital that day.

By 9pm I was 10cm and ready to start pushing..."a few more pushes like that and your baby will be here" the midwife said encouragingly. However, I pushed for nearly two hours and couldn't understand why I couldn't push my baby out. Then they got the scan out and saw that her face was round the wrong way and so every time I pushed she was just pushing into the wall. Then the doctor showed up and suddenly I knew things were not going according to plan. They explained how the baby's head was stuck and so they would take me into theatre to try a ventouse delivery...and if that didn't work then they would have to do an emergency c-section...I just burst into tears at that point...as I signed the consent form I don't think I have ever felt so upset, scared and powerless. I tried to stay positive and kept telling myself that they would get her out with the ventouse as they had done quite easily with my first-born. So I was wheeled into theatre and that was terrifying in itself, especially as hubby had to go and get gowned-up and it seemed like ages before he was back by my side. They tried three ventouses before one finally "stuck" and then I had to push again...and I did, as hard as I could until it felt like my head would explode. After about another 5 minutes of pushing the doctor said what I had been dreading..."we will have to do the C-section". It was like the end of the road...I just lay there helpless with tears running down my face...I didn't stop crying until I heard my baby's first cry.

At 11.58pm Primrose Susan was born. She was lifted over the screen and I saw her for the first time...my beautiful daughter. It took an hour and a half to stitch me up and hubby held her close to my head. It was so frustrating not being to hold her straight away as I had done with my other two, but once we moved to recovery we made up for it...she latched on straight away and fed for about an hour! Then the midwife got her dressed and put her in a cot and told me to get some sleep. I would have done but then the after-pains started. Apparently these get worse with each baby you have, whether it is that and the fact my stomach had just been cut open but it felt like I was having contractions all over again...it was so bad I didn't sleep all night and I couldn't even sit up to see Primrose who had been put in a cot at the end of the bed. They gave me more painkillers but it didn't seem to be helping and the doctor even came back to take a look at my stomach. By 7am it had eased luckily and we were moved to a general ward. I stayed in another two nights, my platelets were low as I had lost a lot of blood and my haemaglobin is still low but they let me go home with some iron tablets. I was so pleased to get home and back to my other children, but it has not been easy so far. Hubby only took a week off work so I'm now home alone with the three of them and still trying to recover. I was quite emotional about the whole experience for the first week: horrified that I had to have a C-section third time round when I had had natural births with my first two; annoyed with medical staff for not realising that she was in a difficult position earlier on; frustrated that perhaps I had not done all I could to move her into a better position, but I am coming to terms with it now and after all is said and done I have a beautiful baby daughter who is safe and well.

The waiting game after our holiday...

We had a lovely holiday in Cornwall but now it is back to reality and I have just 12 days to go now until my due date! I am nervous and excited just as I was with the other two. People say you should be less nervous about the labour third time around but if anything I am more nervous this time - because I know what can happen and that whatever scenario occurs it is not going to be nice. But like my friend who has just been through a difficult labour with her second said to me last week: it is only for a day, yes it is horrible pain, but then it is over and you have your baby, there's no better present than that!

So, here I am like a beached whale and I really have had enough of this pregnancy thing this time around. I started getting swelling in the legs, ankles and hands a good few weeks ago and now my hands are so stiff in the mornings that I keep dropping glasses and struggle to butter a piece of toast and hold my toothbrush. The heartburn is getting worse, having heartburn every day for five months is not fun. Now to add to it my blood pressure is creeping up. My midwife and doctor are keeping close tabs on it, and I have my own monitor at home, because I had pre-eclampsia with my first-born. My second pregnancy was totally symptom-free and I thought this would be the same but it appears not. So I am checking my blood pressure several times a day desperately hoping it has not gone up as I don't want to have to go into hospital for observation: I can't as I have my two little boys to look after. I am dreading having to leave them when the time comes as they have never stayed anywhere over night without me or hubby before. We have a plan that either my Aunty or my Dad will come to our house and look after them so I'm sure it will be okay, and again I have to keep reminding myself: it is only for a day, unless anything out of the ordinary happens I will in and out of hospital as quick as possible and will discharge myself if necessary as I did last time! So we are now playing the waiting game and it's very nerve-wracking but I am getting quite impatient and keep thinking it will be any day now...

Great Nana

Last week my husband's Nan (Great Nana to the kids) passed away. She was in her eighties and had a good long life. Along with her other life achievements - one of which was being a nurse, she also had 11 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren - something alone to be very proud of in my opinion. So today we said goodbye to Great Nana at her funeral. There was requiem mass at her church and my husband had the honour as a pall bearer. My three and a half year old was asking where Great Nana was when we reached teh cemetry as we had told him we were saying goodbye to her. I had to try and explain as best I could that she was in the box which is called a coffin that Daddy and the other men are carrying. He asked me how she would get out and if there was a door in the box, and I explained that she wouldn't need to get out as she was having a nice long sleep just like Nana is and that then they will go to heaven above the clouds. It is a difficult concept to grasp even for an adult, I know that he didn't really understand but I wanted them to be part of it. Some would say that it is not appropriate to have children at funerals, and I understand when there are people that are very upset they don't appreciate children running about shouting and laughing, but it is part of life and why shouldn't they be part of it when it was their great grandmother? After the funeral there was a wake around at Nan's house. It was very strange to be sitting in her house when she was no longer there. However, it was nice to meet up with family, it is just so sad that it takes events like this in order for us to all get-together.

7 weeks to go...

I'm counting down the weeks now until the arrival of our little angel: baby no.3. 7 weeks to go and I'm getting excited and nervous! The last two weeks seem to have been more difficult than usual. My legs have started to really ache when I stand for too long and have developed some varicose veins :( It is also so difficult to bend over to pick up things - which is an essential part of daily life with a 3-year old, 19-month old and a room full of toys...and then there is the killer heartburn. I haven't updated recently as it is just so difficult to find the time...even as I speak I have the 3-year old in my ear asking me what something says in a book!

So, what has happened since I last posted? It was my mum's birthday this week, she would have been 57. So I have been thinking about her even more than usual. I bought some ivory lillies that were her favourite and some purple fresia and put them in a vase in the lounge for her. We will go to the cemetry on Sunday to leave some flowers there for her. It's been just over two years now since we lost her. I miss her, and think of her every single day...I never realised it was possible to miss someone so much and how there are always more tears even when you think there couldn't possibly be any left. So in memory of mum we are meeting for sunday lunch this weekend with my brother and his family and my mum's ex-partner (I don't quite know what you call a partner who has lost their other half but is now with someone else? Anyway, he was with my mum for 10 years and I used to refer to him as my step-dad, it's difficult now that he is with someone else though) at my mum's favourite pub restaurant near to where she lived. It wil be strange to be doing that and her not being there, it is very sad but somehow everyone remains very upbeat when we meet on this occasion. I think we all just hide our feelings - that's what it is.

Anyway, today we have had a nice day out at a country park near to us. The boys had a great time, and we were all tired when we got home. This weekend I also plan to make cakes with Finn as I said we would do it this afternoon and by the time we got home, and unloaded the grocery shopping that we had also done and sorted some washing and the usual cleaning of the kitchen, I was just too tired to entertain the idea of cake-making. So we have been taking it easy with books and TV this afternoon, then an early bath for the boys and their dinner before sitting down to do this while I wait for hubby to get in from work.

Other news, I have been doing lots of knitting: it is my new hobby, and I'm getting a bit obsessed with buying yarn! I will post some pics of what I have made when I get a chance.

Feeling a bit more positive about the home-schooling issue. There has been a lot of talk amongst my circle of mums recently about schools as some of the children are due to start school this september (Finn is next september as his birthday is middle of september) and so they have all just heard about whether they have got into the schools they wanted. There are two really good village schools within a few miles of our little town where we live and then there is the lower school in our town which hasn't got as good a reputation - mainly due to the large class sizes. Well, the village schools this year have been over-subscribed and some of the kids that live in our town didn't get in. I have put Finn's name down for both these village schools and plan to apply in November and then I have until April next year to decide whether to send him or home-school. Well, I'm thinking now that if he doesn't get into these village schools then I will definitely be home-schooling. Anyway, we have decided that as it stands home-schooling is our plan, but I need to see how it is once no.3 comes along as I am a little worried about how I will cope. I spoke to it at length with one of my good friends. We were best friends at school and have stayed friends ever since and I value her opinion but she thinks home-schooling is a big mistake and ended up basically accusing me of wanting to do it because I have control issues and not for the good of the kids. I felt quite hurt about that, and I agree I do like to control things a lot, but I really do only want what is best for my children and what makes them happy. Anyway, enough about that for now...I'll attach some recent pics before I run out of time!

Easter Weekend

We had a lovely long Easter weekend and now it feels likea bit of an anti-climax this morning: hubby back at work and no plans for the day. Anyway we went to the Norfolk coast and visited a few National Trust places. The weather let us down a bit but we all still enjoyed ourselves.

On the Good Friday we visited Grandma and Grandad and cousins and Bank Holiday Monday we went to see Grandpa. Finn managed to eat four eggs on Easter Sunday and they still have a stack of them left!

Anyway,the plan today is maybe to go swimming if I can summon up the energy and then down to the library for some new books for the boys.

I will add more pics later - it is on a go slow at the moment and I need to go and get the little one out of bed!